Why the Orthodox Church is the Best

The Australian Union of Students has come to the conclusion that Australia should become an Orthodox Christian country like Greece and Cyprus. These countries have the lowest crime rate in Europe, and are well-known for their high quality of life and absence of a youth suicide problem. They also have a high cultural affinity with Australia, higher even than Scotland, Wales and Ireland. The advantages of their Orthodox Church over the other Australian denominations is summarised in the following table.

At first glance it might appear that Scotland, Wales and Ireland have a higher cultural affinity with Australians than Greece and Cyprus. For example, when Pauline Hanson hears a Scottish pipe band, she doesn’t think, “Those damned Scots ought to go back to their own country”. The majority of Australians think the same way as Pauline Hanson, namely that Scottish pipe bands are part of Australian culture.

On the other hand, it is not part of Australian culture to learn Gaelic, that is, the ethnic language of Scotland and Ireland, or Welsh. It is, however, part of Australian culture to learn Latin and Greek. For countless generations, it is been the custom of those mainstream people who can afford it to send their children to Anglican boarding schools to learn Latin and Greek. Nowadays, Latin is quite a popular language at universities because students have a sense that it is part of their cultural heritage.

Latin and Greek have been popular with mainstream people for countless generations because they were the official languages of the Roman Empire. The Roman Empire was a very advanced civilisation, and was very much admired by previous generations of Australians. People today don’t realise how advanced things were in Roman times. Our modern civilisation is now more advanced than Roman civilisation, but this has only been the case for the last century. Many parts of the world today are less advanced than Europe in Roman times.

Latin was initially the official language of the Roman Empire. After the conquest of Greece, Greek became very popular with the Romans, in much the same way that English is very popular in Europe and Asia nowadays. When Julius Caesar was assassinated and lay dying, he is supposed to have said to Brutus in Greek, “You too, son?” In 324 A.D., Constantine the Great moved the capital of the Roman Empire to Greece. This led to Greek becoming an official language. For the last 1000 years of the Roman Empire, most Romans couldn’t speak Latin, and Greek was the official language.

Many people incorrectly assume that Italy is what remains of the Roman Empire. Instead, the Italian population consists largely of Goths who migrated from Northern Europe and who intermarried with the local Roman population. What remains of the Roman Empire nowadays is Greece and Cyprus. Until comparatively recently, the Greek word for “Greek” meant “Roman”. Now they use the politically correct term “Hellene”. The Roman Empire is another name for Greece in the same way that the Soviet Union is another name for Russia.

Australians who have gone to government schools, and who can’t speak Latin and Greek, see Greeks as basically foreigners. They should still be able to realise, though, that if government schools had a proper syllabus, and taught such things as Latin, Greek, and employability, Australian kids would see Greeks as being like Scottish, Welsh and Irish people. There is a closer affinity between mainstream Anglo-Saxon people and Greeks than there is with Scottish people, because mainstream culture includes Greek culture, while Scottish people are accepted as mainstream because they have become assimilated and have adopted mainstream culture.

The link between mainstream culture and Greek culture was demonstrated during the Gallipoli landing on 25 April 1915. This is now commemorated as Anzac Day. The object of the Gallipoli landing was to capture Constantinople, which had been the capital of Greece since 324 A.D. Contrary to popular belief, Athens is not the traditional capital of Greece. Having the traditional capital of Greece under foreign occupation is like having London under German occupation, or having Washington under Russian occupation.

The Gallipoli landing was ordered by Winston Churchill. Like most politicians and military officers of the day, Churchill could speak Latin and Greek. He wanted to capture Constantinople not only to help win the First World War, but also to kick out the Turks who shouldn’t have been there and give the city back to its rightful owners, the Greeks. Like most educated mainstream people of the time, Winston Churchill was very sympathetic to the Greeks, and later became a mate of Aristotle Onassis, in whose household Churchill lived for several years.

As most Australians know, if only through having seen the movie “Gallipoli”, the Gallipoli landing was not a success. The movie puts forward Rupert Murdoch’s theory of what happened. Another less politically correct theory is that the Catholic priests accompanying the Allied Expeditionary Force told the Vatican about the plans for the landing. The Pope, being hostile to the Orthodox Church, which was based in Constantinople, told the Turkish Ambassador about the plan. So when the Australians, New Zealanders and British arrived at Gallipoli, the Turks had machine guns set up ready for them, as shown in the movie.

The building shown in the picture is the Church of Divine Wisdom (Hagia Sophia) in Constantinople. It is the most famous church in the world. It is a more important Greek national icon than the Elgin Marbles. The Russians became Christians after ambassadors visited the church and became convinced that God lived there. Like 85% of Greek territory, it is under Turkish occupation. The Turks have renamed Constantinople as Istanbul.

For many centuries the Church of Divine Wisdom was the home of the most sacred relics, including the Holy Grail, a vial containing the blood of Jesus Christ. This was plundered in 1204 after the Crusaders sacked the city. The 17th Century English traveller John Evelyn reported seeing it in Venice. This and many other Greek national icons are now undoubtedly at the Vatican.

The Church of Divine Wisdom was built by the Greek Emperor Justinian at the behest of his wife, St. Theodora. The Popes, or Patriarchs of Rome as they used to be called, were so enraged that the church was built in Constantinople and not in Rome that they concocted a book called “The Secret History”, supposedly written by Justianian’s best mate, who was conveniently dead, and could not deny having written it. This book makes out that Justinian was a demon and all sorts of other lies. Despite the hostility of the Catholic Church, many of Justinian’s laws are in effect in European countries today.

The Catholic Church likes to tell people that they were the official church of the Roman Empire. On the basis of this assertion, they have tricked large numbers of people into joining the Catholic Church. It is not true at all. The Orthodox Church was the official church of the Roman Empire. The Catholic Church broke away from the Orthodox Church after Western Europe was overrun by barbarian tribes.

After the Goths captured Italy, many Romans escaped to Eastern Europe which was under Roman control. Many more Romans stayed behind and collaborated with the Goths. The situation was not unlike Zimbabwe today, where many of the Anglo-Saxon inhabitants have fled to Australia, and many more collaborate with the communist Mugabe regime.

At that time, the Orthodox Church was divided into five regions, controlled by Patriarchs. There was a Patriarch in Rome, Antioch, Jerusalem, Alexandria, and Constantinople. The Patriarch of Rome was the most senior, but did not have any control over the Church’s doctrines. These were determined by Ecumenical Councils of Bishops summoned by the Roman Emperor.

When Italy was taken over by the Goths, the Patriarchs of Rome found that they had much more freedom than before. Previously, if the Patriarch of Rome misbehaved, for example, by having sex with nuns, the Roman Emperor would have had him executed. Now the Gothic kings let the Patriarch of Rome do as he pleased. All the Goths asked was that they could commit any sin they liked, and the Catholic Church had to forgive them for it. In this way, the Catholic Church acquired its distinctive character that has been condemned for over a thousand years.

The Catholic Church had some justification for breaking away from the Orthodox Church. After the Moslems captured North Africa from the Romans in the seventh century, the Roman Emperors came to the conclusion that God was helping the Moslems and punishing the Christians, because the Christians worshipped pictures of Jesus, Mary and the Saints. The Moslems by contrast banned pictures of people. As a result, the Roman Emperors banned pictures from churches in the Roman Empire.

The Patriarchs of Rome were outraged by this banning of pictures, and used it as an excuse to break away from the Orthodox Church. This was the same sort of thing as happened when Henry VIII used the Pope’s refusal to grant him a divorce as an excuse to break away from the Catholic Church and set up the Anglican Church. The Roman Emperors later changed their minds and allowed pictures back in churches. In spite of this, the Patriarchs of Rome broke away from the Orthodox Church in 800 A.D. and renounced their allegiance to the Roman Empire.

Although the Catholic Church broke away from the Orthodox Church in 800 A.D., in a sense the Catholic Church has been going since the first century A.D., since it was previously the Orthodox Church in Western Europe. In the same way it can be argued that the Anglican Church and the Lutheran Church have been going since the first century A.D. Most people don’t realise that Christianity has existed in Britain for over 1900 years, first as the Orthodox Church, then as the Catholic Church, then as the Church of England. It is an advantage if a church was founded 1900 years ago as opposed to a hundred years ago.

The Anglican Church and Catholic Church both have an apparent inability to instill moral values in people. The Anglican Church has gone down the drain in the last forty or so years. It used to be that Anglican schools were the elite schools. Now, sending boys to an Anglican school is like Russian roulette through the serious risk of boys becoming homosexuals. Anglican girls’ schools are almost as bad, and virtually all Anglican schoolgirls lose their virginity before they marry. This is also the case in England where there have been many scandals involving prominent women who have gone to Anglican schools.

When it comes to homosexuality, nothing beats the Catholic Church. In Greece, which is 90% Orthodox, there is no homosexuality, except in a few Greek islands where the 2% Catholic population live. Amsterdam is the vice capital of Europe, and the Netherlands has a one-third Catholic population. Australia also has a one-third Catholic population, and we have the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. Anywhere there are Catholics, there is vice: homosexuality, prostitution and drug use.

The difference between the Catholic Church and the Orthodox Church is not one of theology but is their different attitude to sin. The Orthodox Church doesn’t want people to do certain things, and is surprised and displeased if they do. The Catholic Church doesn’t care if people do these things, and is neither surprised nor displeased. The Catholic Church thinks it is being kind by allowing Catholics to commit sins, but really Catholics would be better off if they didn’t. As the saying goes, you have to be cruel to be kind.

Parents want what is best for their children. They want their children to be happy, but they also want their children to refrain from behaviour that is pointless, that sullies their reputation, and that is unhealthy. People can live fulfilled lives without “sleeping around”. In Greece people enjoy sex as much as people anywhere, so they get married when they are young, and then have as much sex as they like. That is what Australian parents want their children to do. Some churches are good at getting children to do what their parents want. The Orthodox Church is one of these churches.

The Orthodox Church is not the only church that can instill common sense in people. But this is only one of the numerous advantages of the Orthodox Church. An important advantage is that the Orthodox Church, while being only the fourth largest church in Australia, after the Catholic, Anglican and Uniting churches, is the second largest church in the world. The Orthodox Church is also the fastest growing church in the world, with the resurgence in Christianity following the fall of communism. It is generally agreed that the Orthodox Church will be the largest church in the world in a few years.

By becoming an Orthodox Christian country, Australia will gain cultural links with the other Orthodox Christian countries, especially Russia. Russia is the largest country in the world, is very populous, and will become a superpower once again when it gets its economy in order. Russia is the ally that Australia needs to help defend us from “politically correct“ European countries. With our Russian-supplied nuclear weapons, no-one will be able to bomb our cities or intercept our ships.

As our table shows, the only disadvantage that the Orthodox Church has are the burial customs found in Greece and some other Orthodox countries. There they bury bodies for only five years. After this they exhume the body, and the relatives of the deceased clean the skeleton and place the bones in an ossuary. That is a building or container where they keep bones. This custom is also found in some Catholic countries, including parts of Italy and Austria.

We don’t for a moment intend that Australians should follow this custom of the Greeks. This is more of a Greek custom than an Orthodox Christian custom. It is possible to be an Orthodox Christian without having to dig up the remains of one’s relatives. We just mention this in case the Catholics try to scare people by telling them that they will have to dig up their grandparents.

People are often confused by the Orthodox Church being made up of national churches. In actual fact, the Orthodox Church has the same organisation as the Anglican Church. The Anglican Church is made up of the Episcopal Church in America, the Church of England in Britain, and the Anglican Church in Australia. Each of these entities is independent and presided over by a Primate. Similarly, the Orthodox Church has an Orthodox Church of Greece, an Orthodox Church of Russia, an Orthodox Church of Turkey (which is called the Church of Constantinople) and various other national churches, which are each presided over by a Patriarch.

These various national churches have branches in Australia. The largest is the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of Australia, which is part of the Church of Constantinople. This is just a temporary arrangement, however, and in time there will be an autonomous Orthodox Church of Australia with its own Patriarch. This Church of Australia will control a variety of churches, which will conduct the liturgy in English, Greek, Serbian, Russian and other languages.

As yet there are no Orthodox churches in Australia that conduct the liturgy in English, because of a perceived lack of demand. You can alter this perception by putting on the census that you are Greek Orthodox. If the census official asks whether you have ever been to a Greek Orthodox church service, tell him to mind his own business and set the dog on him. In time we anticipate that churches will be acquired where Orthodox services will be held in English following the traditional Anglican liturgy and where mainstream people such as yourself can attend.